I, like most red-blooded females, have been trying to lose 20 pounds. This is not the first time, my weight has been a lifelong battle. My mom weighed over 300 pounds when she graduated high school (she's about 5'5"). She now weighs 145 pounds. My mom went to TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) when I was a child and counted calories religiously. I know how to lose weight, I know what it takes, I've watched her all my life. I was never heavy. I've always been reasonable. Eight years ago I hit the highest weight I've ever been non-pregnant. God also brought a great book into my life that scared the "health" into me. I started working out and counting calories and in under a year, lost 35 pounds. Sadly, 8 years later, I've almost gained them all back. No time to work out, my son was diagnosed with diabetes and celiac so I spend more time watching his food and less watching mine. Also, try to count carbs and calories and make a meal. They are like opposite ends of the spectrum. He can eat tons of meat, I try to skimp by. It's hard.
So, here I am eight years later, trying again. It hasn't been going great, although I will say, the working out is helping because even though I've gained all that weight, I only wear one size bigger. Twelve years ago I did a program called the Weigh-Down Workshop and was really successful, one of the tenets of this is to know when you are hungry and only eat when you are hungry. If you feel yourself wanting food, it shows a hole in your life that needs filled by God. You are really wanting God. She would also talk about "God moments". Things that would happen like dropping your bowl of ice cream when you really didn't need it.
I had a God moment today. It had been a weird morning, not the normal schedule and I was hungry. Honestly hungry. So, I went out to the freezer and got a Lean Pocket. (A real treat because we don't eat a lot of processed food.) As I put it in the microwave I realized it was only 10:38am. Really? I'm going to eat lunch before 11:00? Why not? I'm hungry and I'm going out to do the paper route, why not eat something that will fill me up instead of trying to be "good" and then be starving and overeat later? Good point.
As I sat down to eat my pocket, the phone rang. It's my good friend saying she had forgotten to call me, but yes, she was going to town and could take me, but she's leaving, now. See, earlier in the week, I had asked her if she was going to town because I needed (desperately) to pick up one of our cars that were in the shop there. She said she would let me know. So, now, I have about 10 minutes to get ready. Let me set the scene a little-I was sitting on the living room floor watching old episodes of "Grey's Anatomy" on Hulu, wearing my sweatpants, and t-shirt from doing yoga. I hadn't done any hair or make-up because I knew I would sweat it off doing the route. YIKES.
As I was running around getting ready, (gotta love dry shampoo and foundation and concealer in one!) I kept having the thought, "Thank goodness I went ahead and had that Lean Pocket!". I just saw it as the perfect God moment. I didn't know that my day was about to be turned upside down, but He did. He knew I didn't have money to eat out anywhere and that I get cranky when I'm hungry and that I wouldn't get home until after 2:00pm. It also reminded me to ask for God's help. My husband and I had just been talking the other night on how to change my perspective with food and we are trying a couple of different things, but this to me a was great example of asking God for help with something and then trusting Him to help. I'll go with my gut more often now. That's one weight I can lose!
Psalm 145:15-The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Woman to Woman
I had one of those moments today. One of those moments were you see another woman and you look each other in the eye and a message is conveyed and understood without saying a word. I was squatting down in Wal-Mart looking at the sugar and it wasn't because I couldn't find what I was looking for or because I needed a better angle, it was one of those moments in the month where you just can't stand for one more second and laying down in the aisle didn't seem appropriate. As I was sitting on my haunches, conversing with my husband on the phone, a lady walked by and as our eyes met, I thought I saw a look of sympathy in her eyes. Like she knew I wasn't taking break, I wasn't trying to find the price, I wasn't tying my shoe, I was just having a moment, and she understood.
I don't know if men have these moments, but I know women do. It might be when your kids are older and you see the young mother with a screaming baby in the cart and a toddler hanging on her leg and you just want to put your arm around her and tell her it will be all right. Or, when your kids are older yet and you see the mom and her teenage daughter having a "discussion" in the shoe department. Some days you side with the daughter, others, the mother. It might be the woman who has been widowed for years who sits next to the woman in church who just lost her husband and just holds her hand. We understand and we learn from each other.
I think that's why God put women in the Bible. This was a time when women weren't thought of much and if it was up to men to write the Bible, they might not have made it, but because God's Word is just that-the words of God- there are women there to encourage other women.
There is hope in Hannah praying for a long-awaited child. Hope in the story of Mary and the shame she endured as she carried the Christ child. Strength in the stories of Deborah and Abigail. Faith in the lives of Sarah and Esther. Redemption in the story of Tamar. Loyalty in the story of Ruth. If you've ever been the ugly, unloved sister, remember Leah and that God did not forget her, He won't forget you. Grace in the story of Gomer (Hosea's wife).
If you feel no one can understand what you are feeling, there is a woman somewhere, who does. Do a search for women of the Bible, one of their lives and stories will surely reach you where you are and you might be surprised what you learn about God and His part in your life.
I don't know if men have these moments, but I know women do. It might be when your kids are older and you see the young mother with a screaming baby in the cart and a toddler hanging on her leg and you just want to put your arm around her and tell her it will be all right. Or, when your kids are older yet and you see the mom and her teenage daughter having a "discussion" in the shoe department. Some days you side with the daughter, others, the mother. It might be the woman who has been widowed for years who sits next to the woman in church who just lost her husband and just holds her hand. We understand and we learn from each other.
I think that's why God put women in the Bible. This was a time when women weren't thought of much and if it was up to men to write the Bible, they might not have made it, but because God's Word is just that-the words of God- there are women there to encourage other women.
There is hope in Hannah praying for a long-awaited child. Hope in the story of Mary and the shame she endured as she carried the Christ child. Strength in the stories of Deborah and Abigail. Faith in the lives of Sarah and Esther. Redemption in the story of Tamar. Loyalty in the story of Ruth. If you've ever been the ugly, unloved sister, remember Leah and that God did not forget her, He won't forget you. Grace in the story of Gomer (Hosea's wife).
If you feel no one can understand what you are feeling, there is a woman somewhere, who does. Do a search for women of the Bible, one of their lives and stories will surely reach you where you are and you might be surprised what you learn about God and His part in your life.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
A Different View
Sometimes you have to look for the rainbow in the midst of the rain and you will find it. Having a child with Type 1 Diabetes can be that way. Our son has had a pump for almost a year. They are a great invention. He doesn't have to give himself shots, it works more like your body with a continuous delivery of insulin, better control, etc.
There is a downside to the pump. When you take shots, you are on two kinds of insulin, a long lasting insulin that helps cover the day, and a short burst of insulin you take with food. With a pump, you have one kind of insulin, the short burst. This is because of the pump delivering insulin to you throughout the day, the long lasting isn't needed. The downside to this is, if anything goes wrong with the pump and it doesn't deliver correctly, you don't have that background of insulin helping you through the day, so pump has to be carefully monitored. Checking your blood sugar consistently is very important. This means even in the night. Tubing could get kinked, your sugars could spike because of activity during the day, a number of things could do wrong during the night.
This means that he needs checked during the night. Considering he is only11, and still needs his sleep, my husband and I check him. We are up every night at 12am and 3am. It's like having a newborn, except there is no hope of him sleeping through the night in a few weeks. This can get draining, but we've learned how to cope. We've learned who does better getting up at what time and we've learned, sometimes it's okay to skip either one check or both. After about a year, my attitude is getting better with this also. Sometimes.
The other night it hit me, I get the opportunity to see my town as few other people do. We have a window on our porch that doesn't have any covering over it that I always glance out of as I'm getting things ready to check. This particular night it was foggy out. I wondered to myself if it would be foggy come morning and that's when I realized it. If the fog wasn't there in the morning, how many others would know about it besides me? Who else would had the opportunity to see the that halo around the streetlamps? Or the pretty orange/pink color the fog and street lights gave everything?
And I decided something at that moment. From now on, I would consider myself blessed. Blessed to be able to get up in the middle of the night. Blessed that my son had medicine that helped him live. Blessed to have him home with us and not in a hospital. Blessed that he has a great attitude and tries to take care of himself. Blessed we have a God that knows all and sees all and will never leave us. Blessed that when God looks at our lives, He has a different view of that life than we do and he knows it's perfect for us.
There is a downside to the pump. When you take shots, you are on two kinds of insulin, a long lasting insulin that helps cover the day, and a short burst of insulin you take with food. With a pump, you have one kind of insulin, the short burst. This is because of the pump delivering insulin to you throughout the day, the long lasting isn't needed. The downside to this is, if anything goes wrong with the pump and it doesn't deliver correctly, you don't have that background of insulin helping you through the day, so pump has to be carefully monitored. Checking your blood sugar consistently is very important. This means even in the night. Tubing could get kinked, your sugars could spike because of activity during the day, a number of things could do wrong during the night.
This means that he needs checked during the night. Considering he is only11, and still needs his sleep, my husband and I check him. We are up every night at 12am and 3am. It's like having a newborn, except there is no hope of him sleeping through the night in a few weeks. This can get draining, but we've learned how to cope. We've learned who does better getting up at what time and we've learned, sometimes it's okay to skip either one check or both. After about a year, my attitude is getting better with this also. Sometimes.
The other night it hit me, I get the opportunity to see my town as few other people do. We have a window on our porch that doesn't have any covering over it that I always glance out of as I'm getting things ready to check. This particular night it was foggy out. I wondered to myself if it would be foggy come morning and that's when I realized it. If the fog wasn't there in the morning, how many others would know about it besides me? Who else would had the opportunity to see the that halo around the streetlamps? Or the pretty orange/pink color the fog and street lights gave everything?
And I decided something at that moment. From now on, I would consider myself blessed. Blessed to be able to get up in the middle of the night. Blessed that my son had medicine that helped him live. Blessed to have him home with us and not in a hospital. Blessed that he has a great attitude and tries to take care of himself. Blessed we have a God that knows all and sees all and will never leave us. Blessed that when God looks at our lives, He has a different view of that life than we do and he knows it's perfect for us.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Psalm 23:4
Do you know one of the first things that the nurse said to us when our son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes? "You are privileged parents. You get to do something not many parents can do. Each day, you can give your son life!" I remember I thought she was crazy. :) But, it's true, everything we do for him each day, we are choosing to give him life. If we don't change his pump site, it could get infected, it could close up and he wouldn't get the insulin his body needs. If we feed him and don't make sure he takes his insulin, he could die within a day or two. If we choose to ignore his celiac diagnosis and feed him regular food full of gluten, he would eventually die from the damage his body would do to itself. If we choose not to buy his horribly expensive allergy medicine, it would cause so many complications with his other diseases, he could die.
We are living in the "shadow of death" each day, we've just gotten used to it and know what to do. It's like the Fire Swamp. We've learned how to deal with all the dangers, anything else happening would just be a myth. And just like Wesley was wrong, so was I.
We learned a new doctor specialty this week, pediatric nephrology. Apparently, there is a whole sector of doctors out there who only focus on the kidneys. Who knew! Our son is now spilling large amounts of protein in his urine. What does this mean for him? I have no clue. The internet says it could be everything from cancer to kidney stones.
So, once again, we are in the Valley of the Shadow of Death. We have turned a new corner and new danger awaits us. This could be it. This could be the final danger, but I believe in happy endings. Wesley and Buttercup escaped the Fire Swamp and eventually the evil Prince Humperdink. Frodo and Sam made it through Mordor and back to the Shire. The Psalmist says, even in the Valley, God is with us. God is still leading us even during this time. When the psalmist says, "your rod and your staff, they comfort me" it's a reminder that God is physically with us, guiding down the right path. How does a shepherd guide his sheep? He sometimes gives them a gentle tap to lead them down the right path.
We are a little fearful, we are apprehensive, but we will follow the Good Shepherd all the days of our lives and when those lives end, we will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. I know this is true for our son as he has accepted God's free gift of salvation, so everything else is just my human nature wanting to hold on.
Do you know one of the first things that the nurse said to us when our son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes? "You are privileged parents. You get to do something not many parents can do. Each day, you can give your son life!" I remember I thought she was crazy. :) But, it's true, everything we do for him each day, we are choosing to give him life. If we don't change his pump site, it could get infected, it could close up and he wouldn't get the insulin his body needs. If we feed him and don't make sure he takes his insulin, he could die within a day or two. If we choose to ignore his celiac diagnosis and feed him regular food full of gluten, he would eventually die from the damage his body would do to itself. If we choose not to buy his horribly expensive allergy medicine, it would cause so many complications with his other diseases, he could die.
We are living in the "shadow of death" each day, we've just gotten used to it and know what to do. It's like the Fire Swamp. We've learned how to deal with all the dangers, anything else happening would just be a myth. And just like Wesley was wrong, so was I.
We learned a new doctor specialty this week, pediatric nephrology. Apparently, there is a whole sector of doctors out there who only focus on the kidneys. Who knew! Our son is now spilling large amounts of protein in his urine. What does this mean for him? I have no clue. The internet says it could be everything from cancer to kidney stones.
So, once again, we are in the Valley of the Shadow of Death. We have turned a new corner and new danger awaits us. This could be it. This could be the final danger, but I believe in happy endings. Wesley and Buttercup escaped the Fire Swamp and eventually the evil Prince Humperdink. Frodo and Sam made it through Mordor and back to the Shire. The Psalmist says, even in the Valley, God is with us. God is still leading us even during this time. When the psalmist says, "your rod and your staff, they comfort me" it's a reminder that God is physically with us, guiding down the right path. How does a shepherd guide his sheep? He sometimes gives them a gentle tap to lead them down the right path.
We are a little fearful, we are apprehensive, but we will follow the Good Shepherd all the days of our lives and when those lives end, we will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. I know this is true for our son as he has accepted God's free gift of salvation, so everything else is just my human nature wanting to hold on.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
I always thought I'd be the cool mom. The one who everyone liked and no one talked bad about behind her back. Everyone would love to come to our house because I'd have cookies for them and know the cool songs and what they were into.
Then my son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. After yesterday, I have decided I have to be the mean ogre mom. The one who no one can stand and the one who everyone avoids. The one that is so rigid and strict with her kids that no one invites them over because of the rules and no one wants to come over for the same reason. All so my son can live.
I have tried so hard to keep my sons life normal since he was diagnosed with Type 1 almost 3 years ago. The hardest part has been letting him hang out with his friends and go to friends houses. At first, everyone was really concerned and careful about what needed done. And I wouldn't say they still aren't. It's A. He seems to take really good care of his diabetes. He seems to do exactly what he needs to do. He's so good at it, that people take it for granted he's doing what he should. No one questions him.
He has been at a friends house and gone 8 hours without testing. He didn't even test for his meal that night. He ate three hot dogs for supper because they were protein and he knew they were gluten-free. (Also an issue for him.) Yesterday takes the cake though. After staying at a friends house for almost 30 hours, I almost had to put him in the hospital. I sent a note to the mom telling her the things he has to do and what things he usually forgets, so I thought we'd be okay. I prayed, I put him in God's hands. I asked for God to remind him of what he needs to do. When I got home at 5:00, he was sleeping. I figured that was the best thing for him, so I let him be. I woke him about supper time and had him check. He was 502. Ketones were moderate. This often happens when he goes anywhere overnight and doesn't get his sleep. Before calling the nurse, I decided I'd check the meter and pump so we knew how he'd been. The only time he had checked or bolused all day was at 10:30am that morning. I kid you not. I about went into orbit. He hadn't done too bad the day before, not great, but not that bad. But, ONE check all day? Seriously, A. you're 11 years old, you're not new to this, you know you have to do this!
So, no more overnights, no more going to friends houses, period. What can I do? I'd like to have my son see 18. This disease is manageable, you can live with it and control it. It's doable, not fun, but doable. But you have to do it!!!
I have heard of kids losing their friends because of the disease and I could see that happening now. We aren't the fun house to come to. We don't have a Wii, we don't have a trampoline, I limit movies and TV. We have always had a limited budget, but when A. was diagnosed, our older son had had his tonsils out the week before. We got hit with 14 different doctor bills at once. It has taken us this long to feel like maybe we'll make it. We don't randomly go to movies, if we do it's planned and budgeted and taking other kids along and paying for them makes me shudder. Same for bowling, or laser tagging or paint balling or, or, or.......so, telling kids, he can't come there, but you can come to our house, isn't usually received with joy. But, if he won't take care of himself, he's not going without one of us.
He has a basketball camp next week, guess who will be going and doing her college homework on the sidelines so I can make sure he test every hour as he should? We also got a birthday invite in the mail today for a paintball party. I have no idea how to handle that situation. I'd like to toss the information and never let him know, but our town is small enough, he'll know. I may just invite myself along. I don't know.
I don't know that anyone ever reads these or that anyone cares to read this rant, but I needed to get it out somehow. I know God is bigger than all this and that my sons life is more important than what everyone thinks of me, but it's one of those hard things for me to break though. This will be hard.
Then my son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. After yesterday, I have decided I have to be the mean ogre mom. The one who no one can stand and the one who everyone avoids. The one that is so rigid and strict with her kids that no one invites them over because of the rules and no one wants to come over for the same reason. All so my son can live.
I have tried so hard to keep my sons life normal since he was diagnosed with Type 1 almost 3 years ago. The hardest part has been letting him hang out with his friends and go to friends houses. At first, everyone was really concerned and careful about what needed done. And I wouldn't say they still aren't. It's A. He seems to take really good care of his diabetes. He seems to do exactly what he needs to do. He's so good at it, that people take it for granted he's doing what he should. No one questions him.
He has been at a friends house and gone 8 hours without testing. He didn't even test for his meal that night. He ate three hot dogs for supper because they were protein and he knew they were gluten-free. (Also an issue for him.) Yesterday takes the cake though. After staying at a friends house for almost 30 hours, I almost had to put him in the hospital. I sent a note to the mom telling her the things he has to do and what things he usually forgets, so I thought we'd be okay. I prayed, I put him in God's hands. I asked for God to remind him of what he needs to do. When I got home at 5:00, he was sleeping. I figured that was the best thing for him, so I let him be. I woke him about supper time and had him check. He was 502. Ketones were moderate. This often happens when he goes anywhere overnight and doesn't get his sleep. Before calling the nurse, I decided I'd check the meter and pump so we knew how he'd been. The only time he had checked or bolused all day was at 10:30am that morning. I kid you not. I about went into orbit. He hadn't done too bad the day before, not great, but not that bad. But, ONE check all day? Seriously, A. you're 11 years old, you're not new to this, you know you have to do this!
So, no more overnights, no more going to friends houses, period. What can I do? I'd like to have my son see 18. This disease is manageable, you can live with it and control it. It's doable, not fun, but doable. But you have to do it!!!
I have heard of kids losing their friends because of the disease and I could see that happening now. We aren't the fun house to come to. We don't have a Wii, we don't have a trampoline, I limit movies and TV. We have always had a limited budget, but when A. was diagnosed, our older son had had his tonsils out the week before. We got hit with 14 different doctor bills at once. It has taken us this long to feel like maybe we'll make it. We don't randomly go to movies, if we do it's planned and budgeted and taking other kids along and paying for them makes me shudder. Same for bowling, or laser tagging or paint balling or, or, or.......so, telling kids, he can't come there, but you can come to our house, isn't usually received with joy. But, if he won't take care of himself, he's not going without one of us.
He has a basketball camp next week, guess who will be going and doing her college homework on the sidelines so I can make sure he test every hour as he should? We also got a birthday invite in the mail today for a paintball party. I have no idea how to handle that situation. I'd like to toss the information and never let him know, but our town is small enough, he'll know. I may just invite myself along. I don't know.
I don't know that anyone ever reads these or that anyone cares to read this rant, but I needed to get it out somehow. I know God is bigger than all this and that my sons life is more important than what everyone thinks of me, but it's one of those hard things for me to break though. This will be hard.
Friday, January 8, 2010
2 Corinthians
I love to read. Sadly, (depending on your perspective) I actually get my Bible reading ideas from books. Mostly, Lori Wick. That woman can write a sermon. I learn something every time I read one of her books. It was the book, "Whispers of Moonlight" that motivated me to read Isaiah and see what attributes of God were found there. (Totally changed how I view God.) "The Pursuit" inspired me to read the Psalms. I have one of Duffy's prayers from "Every Little Thing About You" printed out and framed in my dining room.
Unfortunately, I can't remember what book I recently read that a character was talking about a church congregation and said, "It's like they don't even know 2 Corinthians exists." From the context of the book I understood that the church was missing the concept of love. "Makes sense," I thought, "it does have the love chapter." Then I remembered that was 1 Corinthians.
So, I got curious, what is in 2 Corinthians that every church should know? I just finished reading the Psalms (I learned so much about trusting God from David. Amazing.) and was needing a direction to go, so why not?
I only made it to the 3rd verse of chapter 1 when I was hit with the first important truth.
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
Now, granted, you have to slow down and really think about what you're reading to get the gist of this verse, but how powerful is that? God comforts us so we can comfort others. What if every person in the church lived this out? We would be the biggest support group around. The love of Christ would overflow to all.
The biggest barrier to this is that we don't share our trials with each other. We believe we have to have this perfect life. We go to church and people ask how we are doing and we say"Fine" whether we are fine or not. If we were just honest with each other, we would open ourselves up to God's comfort in a tangible way. We complain God isn't real in our lives, but whose fault is that?
I hope to share more nuggets I glean from this book with you, but as always, no guarantee that will happen.
Be real and be near to God.
P.S. I went to my virtual bookshelf on Facebook to see if I could figure out what book it was.(I have read quite a few books over Christmas break.) I think it was Nicloas Sparks' "The Last Song". I wish he would leave the sex out of his books and focus more on God. This one didn't have any sex, that was nice.
Unfortunately, I can't remember what book I recently read that a character was talking about a church congregation and said, "It's like they don't even know 2 Corinthians exists." From the context of the book I understood that the church was missing the concept of love. "Makes sense," I thought, "it does have the love chapter." Then I remembered that was 1 Corinthians.
So, I got curious, what is in 2 Corinthians that every church should know? I just finished reading the Psalms (I learned so much about trusting God from David. Amazing.) and was needing a direction to go, so why not?
I only made it to the 3rd verse of chapter 1 when I was hit with the first important truth.
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
Now, granted, you have to slow down and really think about what you're reading to get the gist of this verse, but how powerful is that? God comforts us so we can comfort others. What if every person in the church lived this out? We would be the biggest support group around. The love of Christ would overflow to all.
The biggest barrier to this is that we don't share our trials with each other. We believe we have to have this perfect life. We go to church and people ask how we are doing and we say"Fine" whether we are fine or not. If we were just honest with each other, we would open ourselves up to God's comfort in a tangible way. We complain God isn't real in our lives, but whose fault is that?
I hope to share more nuggets I glean from this book with you, but as always, no guarantee that will happen.
Be real and be near to God.
P.S. I went to my virtual bookshelf on Facebook to see if I could figure out what book it was.(I have read quite a few books over Christmas break.) I think it was Nicloas Sparks' "The Last Song". I wish he would leave the sex out of his books and focus more on God. This one didn't have any sex, that was nice.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)