Sometimes, it's easy to forget that I am cherished by my husband, like when I hear that other women never fill their own gas tanks! So, I wanted to make a list tonight that I can look back on to remind myself how cherished I am. These are all the things my husband did today
1. He went shopping with me when I really didn't want to go shopping. (Translation: I was grouchy.)
2. On this freezing, wind-chill warning day, he always unlocked my door first and let me sit in the car while he unloaded the cart.
3. He used money someone gave him to replace my Stir-Crazy popper that a kid had broke.
4. He left the radio off so I could sleep on the way to the city.
5. When my nachos at Buffalo Wild Wings were essentially lettuce, tomatoes and chips, he bought me pizza at Sam's Club so I wasn't hungry.
6. He let me go to Hobby Lobby first. (I shouldn't say "he let me". He loves shopping and doesn't care where we go or how many stops we make. He usually has to make me go shopping.)
7. He helped me look at a new coats and commented that none of them seemed warm enough for me.
8. He can still make me blush in public places with just a look.
9. When we got home he put all the groceries away while I worked on a report for the church's annual meeting.
10. He drops me off and then parks the car. (Did I mention there were wind chill warnings out today?)
It's easy in the midst of life's hustle and bustle to feel unloved, unappreciated and forgotten. Days like today are a good reminder that none of that is true. Love you honey!!
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Thursday, January 2, 2014
When God Doesn't Make Sense
It's not fair! As the mother of soon to be three teenagers this is a phrase I hear often. Teens often don't find life fair as they struggle to find their way in the world. It's a tough thing to learn, life's not fair.
What they don't realize is that it's harder on Mom to watch life not be fair to her teens. It's not fair that I'm taking my youngest to get a full set of braces today. It's not fair that it will be a painful experience for him. It's not fair that he won't be able to eat popcorn at ball games anymore. It's not fair that he'll have to wear a mouth guard for BB now to protect his mouth and others'.
It's not fair that the Devil gained a foothold in the life of my oldest and he is struggling.
It's not fair that my middle child was struck with diabetes and celiac disease at the age of 8. It's not fair that we can't be God and get his body to work as it should so he can succeed in sports the way he wants to.
It's not fair! I was struggling with this today as I prayed to God and then I opened my Bible. I had just finished reading Micah as the year closed out, so I turned the page to Nahum and this is the title of the commentary introducing the book, "God's Answer to Injustice".
My soul whispered, "Yes, Lord, what is your answer to injustice? How do I deal with my anger and frustration?"
The answer is, God is good. God is trustworthy. God is able. Nahum 1:7 says, "The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him." vs 2 says, "The Lord is a jealous and avenging God; the Lord takes vengeance and is filled with wrath. The Lord takes vengeance on his foes and maintains his wrath against his enemies."
God is good. Injustice does not go unpunished. We can trust that. Even when the injustice continues we need to remember God is right there with us, he is our refuge.
We also need to remember to pray for those who cause us injustice as God is also just. He "maintains his wrath against his enemies", they will not escape God's justice even if we don't bear witness to it we can be sure it happens. If you have read of God's vengeance you know it's not something to be on the receiving end of. Pray for those who are not fair, pray for their repentance that they may escape God's wrath and live for eternity because God is trustworthy and he's got your back.
What they don't realize is that it's harder on Mom to watch life not be fair to her teens. It's not fair that I'm taking my youngest to get a full set of braces today. It's not fair that it will be a painful experience for him. It's not fair that he won't be able to eat popcorn at ball games anymore. It's not fair that he'll have to wear a mouth guard for BB now to protect his mouth and others'.
It's not fair that the Devil gained a foothold in the life of my oldest and he is struggling.
It's not fair that my middle child was struck with diabetes and celiac disease at the age of 8. It's not fair that we can't be God and get his body to work as it should so he can succeed in sports the way he wants to.
It's not fair! I was struggling with this today as I prayed to God and then I opened my Bible. I had just finished reading Micah as the year closed out, so I turned the page to Nahum and this is the title of the commentary introducing the book, "God's Answer to Injustice".
My soul whispered, "Yes, Lord, what is your answer to injustice? How do I deal with my anger and frustration?"
The answer is, God is good. God is trustworthy. God is able. Nahum 1:7 says, "The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him." vs 2 says, "The Lord is a jealous and avenging God; the Lord takes vengeance and is filled with wrath. The Lord takes vengeance on his foes and maintains his wrath against his enemies."
God is good. Injustice does not go unpunished. We can trust that. Even when the injustice continues we need to remember God is right there with us, he is our refuge.
We also need to remember to pray for those who cause us injustice as God is also just. He "maintains his wrath against his enemies", they will not escape God's justice even if we don't bear witness to it we can be sure it happens. If you have read of God's vengeance you know it's not something to be on the receiving end of. Pray for those who are not fair, pray for their repentance that they may escape God's wrath and live for eternity because God is trustworthy and he's got your back.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
My God is So Big!
Recently it has come to my attention, again, that I care too much about what people think or say to me. This will surprise people who know me. I'm loud, opinionated, and don't care who knows it, but I do care what people say about me or to me. Words that were probably never intended to cut, do. I hear what I perceive to be the meaning behind those words and I hurt.
So, I try harder to make sure that I live my life in such a way that no one can say anything about me. No one can ask me why my yard has brown spots (because I didn't get the leaves raked off it before it snowed). No one can tell me that the city is going to send me a letter if that car that hasn't moved in 10 days doesn't move soon. No one can ask me why my flowers look dry, why I don't have curtains on my windows or why my picnic table is only half painted. Yes, people have really said these things to me, this is life in a small town.
I told my husband that sometimes I long for the days when I was a stay-at-home mom and I only talked to one or two outside people a day, if that. I long for the days when I wore sweatpants and didn't do my hair. Ever. When I could go uptown in complete anonymity and no one knew who I was or what I did, so no one talked to me. Or if they did, they confused me with another life long resident so they really weren't talking to me. When I started working outside the home we had lived here four years and people asked me if I was new to town.
I now work in a very public place. I belong to clubs, am on committees, and participate in my church, I'm everywhere! And people know me. They know my kids. They kind of know my husband, but I am the public face of my family. In a recent rant, that was laced with humor to hide the hurt, I told my family how they had it easy, the kids go off to school and live in their bubble, dealing with the same people every day and not interacting with the public. My husband works in a nearby town and really doesn't interact with people in the town, just those at work. They are protected. Shielded. By me. I'm at the post office, the grocery store, the pharmacy, and work where people feel free to comment on where my lawnmower is parked, how I rake my leaves, what's on my porch to what they saw my kids doing at work, at school or in the parking lot after the game.
Don't get me wrong, I want to know if my kids are misbehaving so we can correct it, but why does it feel like only my kids misbehave?
It's getting to me though. To the point that it's affecting how I parent, how I deal with my husband and now, even how I do my job. Enough! The only being that I should allow to have that much control over my life is God. I need to let His truth work in and through my life. I should care more about what HE says about my husband, than what my yard says. I should care more about what HE says about my hair than the neighbor. I should dwell on HIS truths, HIS love, and my eternity with HIM to the point that I don't even notice all this other noise.
My sister, who knows me better than anyone, saw this coming years ago and gave me a book titled, "When People are Big, and God is Small". I knew she was right, but I struggled with the book. I'm not a great nonfiction reader and it didn't grab me, but last night I dug that book out of my desk drawer and I'm committed to reading it. I want to know what I can do to change my focus. I need to take my quiet time more seriously and meditate on God's word all day, not just during that time. When people talk to me, I want it to come through a filter of scripture. I want to be so confidant in God's plan for my life that I don't worry about the impact of others on that plan. I'm committed to becoming so saturated with God that others just pour over me and don't stick. I'm committed to making God big in my life.
Friday, July 15, 2011
The Wise Man Builds His House Upon the Rock
For three years we have been working on our house. Our house was built in 1912, the upstairs has not been changed since then. We have beautiful woodwork and floors, but we also had gravity heat, ancient windows, and plaster and lathe walls. In three years we have tore out all walls to the studs, updated electricity, installed insulation, put up drywall, expanded closets, put in a whole new heating/air system, and vents upstairs, etc. We are almost done, we just need to prime and paint the drywall on the landing/hallway area.
More than once during this time I have wondered if we were focusing on the wrong area. You see, we don't have a basement under the house and what foundation you see has numerous patch jobs and cracks. When we finished one of the bedrooms, you noticed a definite slant to the south. It seemed a little drastic. At different times I was sure I was seeing cracks in the kitchen and our bedroom that weren't there before. Tonight, after ginormous amounts of rain this month, my husband finds where water has run under the foundation. We have a foundation problem.
It makes me think of our lives as Christians. How many of us focus on the wrong things in our lives and ignore the foundation? We used to sing a song in opening exercises of my Sunday School that went like this,
The Wise Man builds his house upon the rock,
the Wise Man builds his house upon the rock and the rain came tumbling down.
The rains came down, and the floods came up, the rains came down and the floods came up, the rains came down and the floods came up and the house on the rock stood fast.
The Foolish Man builds his house upon the sand,
the Foolish Man builds his house upon the sand and the rain came tumbling down.
The rains came down, and the floods came up, the rains came down and the floods came up, the rains came down and the floods came up and the house on the sand went SPLAT!
So build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ, build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ.
So build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ, and the blessings will come down
Oh, the blessings come down as your prayers go up.
The blessings come down as your prayers go up, the blessings come down as your prayers go up so build your life on the Lord!
It wasn't for many years that I learned this song was based on verses from the Bible. Matthew 7:24 says, "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock." What were the words that everyone was to hear? The story of the wise man and the foolish man are the last words spoken in the Sermon on the Mount. This sermon is the best known sermon in the Bible. Whether you realize it or not, you know much of it. We are the light of the world, blessed are the poor in spirit, ask and it shall be given to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, do not store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, the list could go on and on.
In this sermon, Jesus was laying a foundation for how to live a life dedicated to him. How to live with others, how to conduct ourselves, how to live as He would. Can you look at the instructions from Matthew 6&7 and say that you follow these words? Is your life built on a solid foundation or on shifting sand? Do you worry more about your outside and not what's on inside? What is the foundation for how you act or feel everyday? Where do you run to when things slant south? Do you have a foundation problem?
If you're reading Matthew 6&7 and thinking there is no way you can do all that, you're right. You can't. There's another verse you need to know, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13) Without the Lord Jesus Christ in your life, you will not be able to do these things. Jesus is our foundation. Without a relationship with him, our life is shifting sand. If you would like to know how to have a relationship with Jesus.
To have a relationship with Jesus you need to admit that you are a sinner. You need to believe that Jesus came to earth to die on the cross for our sins. You need to believe that he died, was buried and rose again on the third day. You need to believe that he is coming again. Do all this and you have a great start on a firm foundation!
More than once during this time I have wondered if we were focusing on the wrong area. You see, we don't have a basement under the house and what foundation you see has numerous patch jobs and cracks. When we finished one of the bedrooms, you noticed a definite slant to the south. It seemed a little drastic. At different times I was sure I was seeing cracks in the kitchen and our bedroom that weren't there before. Tonight, after ginormous amounts of rain this month, my husband finds where water has run under the foundation. We have a foundation problem.
It makes me think of our lives as Christians. How many of us focus on the wrong things in our lives and ignore the foundation? We used to sing a song in opening exercises of my Sunday School that went like this,
The Wise Man builds his house upon the rock,
the Wise Man builds his house upon the rock and the rain came tumbling down.
The rains came down, and the floods came up, the rains came down and the floods came up, the rains came down and the floods came up and the house on the rock stood fast.
The Foolish Man builds his house upon the sand,
the Foolish Man builds his house upon the sand and the rain came tumbling down.
The rains came down, and the floods came up, the rains came down and the floods came up, the rains came down and the floods came up and the house on the sand went SPLAT!
So build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ, build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ.
So build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ, and the blessings will come down
Oh, the blessings come down as your prayers go up.
The blessings come down as your prayers go up, the blessings come down as your prayers go up so build your life on the Lord!
It wasn't for many years that I learned this song was based on verses from the Bible. Matthew 7:24 says, "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock." What were the words that everyone was to hear? The story of the wise man and the foolish man are the last words spoken in the Sermon on the Mount. This sermon is the best known sermon in the Bible. Whether you realize it or not, you know much of it. We are the light of the world, blessed are the poor in spirit, ask and it shall be given to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, do not store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, the list could go on and on.
In this sermon, Jesus was laying a foundation for how to live a life dedicated to him. How to live with others, how to conduct ourselves, how to live as He would. Can you look at the instructions from Matthew 6&7 and say that you follow these words? Is your life built on a solid foundation or on shifting sand? Do you worry more about your outside and not what's on inside? What is the foundation for how you act or feel everyday? Where do you run to when things slant south? Do you have a foundation problem?
If you're reading Matthew 6&7 and thinking there is no way you can do all that, you're right. You can't. There's another verse you need to know, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13) Without the Lord Jesus Christ in your life, you will not be able to do these things. Jesus is our foundation. Without a relationship with him, our life is shifting sand. If you would like to know how to have a relationship with Jesus.
To have a relationship with Jesus you need to admit that you are a sinner. You need to believe that Jesus came to earth to die on the cross for our sins. You need to believe that he died, was buried and rose again on the third day. You need to believe that he is coming again. Do all this and you have a great start on a firm foundation!
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Ready for Battle?
I've been doing battle with a snake. Yes, a snake. If you want more details on that, click here. I have learned some lessons from these battles.
Number 1-Know your enemy-My oldest son tried to tell the snake would be more active at night because he's cold-blooded and warm weather makes him sluggish, I thought it was the other way around. That's when I realized I'd failed to plan for this battle.
Number 2-Don't underestimate the enemy-This battle began as mano y mano. I was out to get rid of this snake that had lived in my strawberry patch for three years. I was declaring war. After yesterday, I realized I'm fighting more than one.
Number 3-Be prepared-As I watched my husband try to ferret out the snake last night I realized he had something I didn't. Boots. And jeans. What was I wearing? Shorts. And flip flops! No wonder I didn't feel confident, I wasn't prepared for battle!
How about you? Are you prepared? 1 Peter 5:8 says, "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." and verse 9 says, "Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of suffering." How are we to resist him? Standing firm in the faith it says, but what does that look like?
We are told how to dress for battle people! We even told how to engage in the battle, "pray in the Spirit on all occasions". We are given the battle plan! We don't need to go into battle unprepared. Are you ready? Or, are you like me who had to dust the cobwebs off my boots this morning to put them on. Is your Bible covered in cobwebs? How can you fight effectively if you don't know the battle plan?
The Bible covers the three lessons I've learned so far,
Number 1- Know your enemy- The Bible tells us he's prowling around looking for us. The Bible tells us Satan is the great deceiver among many other things. The Bible has the background on the enemy you only need to read it.
Number 2-Don't underestimate the enemy-don't think you're smarter or too strong for Satan. That's pride and he'll use that too. And if you think you're only fighting Satan, don't count out his demons and those under his control in this world. He will come at you daily, multiple times.
Number 3- Be prepared-The Bible tells us how to dress for battle and how to fight the war. The Great General has already laid it all out and we just have to follow.
You know the best part about reading the Bible and discovering God's battle plan for your life? We know who ultimately wins the war, the question is, who's going to win the battle for your soul?
Number 1-Know your enemy-My oldest son tried to tell the snake would be more active at night because he's cold-blooded and warm weather makes him sluggish, I thought it was the other way around. That's when I realized I'd failed to plan for this battle.
Number 2-Don't underestimate the enemy-This battle began as mano y mano. I was out to get rid of this snake that had lived in my strawberry patch for three years. I was declaring war. After yesterday, I realized I'm fighting more than one.
Number 3-Be prepared-As I watched my husband try to ferret out the snake last night I realized he had something I didn't. Boots. And jeans. What was I wearing? Shorts. And flip flops! No wonder I didn't feel confident, I wasn't prepared for battle!
How about you? Are you prepared? 1 Peter 5:8 says, "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." and verse 9 says, "Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of suffering." How are we to resist him? Standing firm in the faith it says, but what does that look like?
Look at what Ephesians 6:13-18 says, "13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.We are told how to dress for battle people! We even told how to engage in the battle, "pray in the Spirit on all occasions". We are given the battle plan! We don't need to go into battle unprepared. Are you ready? Or, are you like me who had to dust the cobwebs off my boots this morning to put them on. Is your Bible covered in cobwebs? How can you fight effectively if you don't know the battle plan?
The Bible covers the three lessons I've learned so far,
Number 1- Know your enemy- The Bible tells us he's prowling around looking for us. The Bible tells us Satan is the great deceiver among many other things. The Bible has the background on the enemy you only need to read it.
Number 2-Don't underestimate the enemy-don't think you're smarter or too strong for Satan. That's pride and he'll use that too. And if you think you're only fighting Satan, don't count out his demons and those under his control in this world. He will come at you daily, multiple times.
Number 3- Be prepared-The Bible tells us how to dress for battle and how to fight the war. The Great General has already laid it all out and we just have to follow.
You know the best part about reading the Bible and discovering God's battle plan for your life? We know who ultimately wins the war, the question is, who's going to win the battle for your soul?
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
I Need Help Lord
Dear Lord,
Right now I really want to eat the yummy smelling brownies that my son just made. I am truly hungry. I should eat something so I don't overeat at supper, but I know those brownies are not it. I need to eat the yogurt that is out in the fridge in the garage, but God, it's cold outside. It's like -20 degrees, that means the garage is about -10 degrees. That's cold God, and you want me to go out in that and get yogurt? I know you do and even typing all this helps me obey more. So, keep me warm in the garage Lord as I go get my yogurt.
Amen
Right now I really want to eat the yummy smelling brownies that my son just made. I am truly hungry. I should eat something so I don't overeat at supper, but I know those brownies are not it. I need to eat the yogurt that is out in the fridge in the garage, but God, it's cold outside. It's like -20 degrees, that means the garage is about -10 degrees. That's cold God, and you want me to go out in that and get yogurt? I know you do and even typing all this helps me obey more. So, keep me warm in the garage Lord as I go get my yogurt.
Amen
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
New Year's Resolution
I don't make New Year's Resolutions as a rule, but in looking over the past few months, I would like to be more content in 2011. The writer of Hebrews says, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.' " (Hebrews 13:5) Shouldn't it be enough that we have God with us always? Why do I always want more?
This is not a new struggle for me, in February of 2004 I made this note in my Bible next to Phillippians 4:11&12-"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
I want to learn the secret. I want to apply it to my life daily and be able to say with confidence, 'I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.'
Then on June 12, 2005 I have written a note next to these verses from 1 Timothy 6:6-8, "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that."
Sometimes food and clothes are what I struggle to buy. What am I using that money on that I don't need to?
I want to be content with what I have. I don't want to always be striving for me. I want to be content, but I have excuses. If I could just go to the grocery store without adding every item up as I go, then I could be content. If my checkbook always had a positive balance, then I could be content. If my guys would only pick up the house, then I could be content. If my office and closet were perfectly organized and not so messy, then I would be content. If it wasn't just a struggle to pay bills every month, then I could be content.
Yesterday, I realized I'm sabotaging myself on some things. Since I am not currently working a steady job and am home, I've felt a little lost some days. I feel lazy if I watch more than one movie in a day or if I watch too much TV on HULU, but honestly, I don't know what to do with myself. When I stayed home when my kids were young, I always had projects I was doing so I thought I needed to get back to that. I started subscribing to craft blogs and looking through magazines for ideas. But, you know what? All those projects and ideas take money and since I am only working sub jobs while I go back to school, there is no extra money and that was making me discontent. There were all these things I wanted to make but I had no supplies and then I would would wander the craft stores and come up with more great ideas, but couldn't buy anything to do them! As of today, I have unsubscribed from those craft blogs.
The other thing that was stressing me out and making me discontent with my family was all those great storage tip and organization ideas you see this time of year. I live in a house where I am the only girl. Men are messy. My men especially. Part of this is my own fault. I grew up with a mother and father that were both neat freaks. I don't remember my house ever being dusty or messy growing up. I also felt nagged all the time and that having a clean house controlled our lives in some ways, so I swore I'd never be that way. Unfortunately, I never realized how badly I wanted it that way. I think it's part of my personality. I feel my life is more in control if my house is clean. (Which looking back, that is probably how my mom felt too.) I fight a constant battle against my pack rat husband. And oldest son. And youngest son. And my middle son who used to be cleaner until he entered puberty. I also have a son that is diabetic, asthmatic, celiac and has kidney complications, I have a husband that has started using his VA benefits more extensively. We have two insurance plans, are on the Medically Handicapped Children's Program and VA benefits, I will have more paperwork than the average person! This morning, I unsubscribed from the Better Homes and Gardens e-mails. If I see one more perfectly organized closet, bedroom, or office area I might go stark raving mad!
I think, the lesson I've learned over these past two weeks is that I have to keep my eyes on God to be content. I can't let my focus shift onto the world. My house will never look like a photo shoot for Better Homes and Gardens (although, when I try to make a point of what I expect a room to look like, I do tell the boys I want it "Better Homes and Gardens Perfect"). I did not marry a guy that has a four year degree. I don't have a four year degree (yet!). We will not make too much more than we are right now. God will still provide for us. We may never have the home we would like or take that Hawaiian vacation, but God can give us new dreams if we let him. I think the writer of Hebrews had it right, "be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.' " God is all we should ever need.
This is not a new struggle for me, in February of 2004 I made this note in my Bible next to Phillippians 4:11&12-"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
I want to learn the secret. I want to apply it to my life daily and be able to say with confidence, 'I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.'
Then on June 12, 2005 I have written a note next to these verses from 1 Timothy 6:6-8, "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that."
Sometimes food and clothes are what I struggle to buy. What am I using that money on that I don't need to?
I want to be content with what I have. I don't want to always be striving for me. I want to be content, but I have excuses. If I could just go to the grocery store without adding every item up as I go, then I could be content. If my checkbook always had a positive balance, then I could be content. If my guys would only pick up the house, then I could be content. If my office and closet were perfectly organized and not so messy, then I would be content. If it wasn't just a struggle to pay bills every month, then I could be content.
Yesterday, I realized I'm sabotaging myself on some things. Since I am not currently working a steady job and am home, I've felt a little lost some days. I feel lazy if I watch more than one movie in a day or if I watch too much TV on HULU, but honestly, I don't know what to do with myself. When I stayed home when my kids were young, I always had projects I was doing so I thought I needed to get back to that. I started subscribing to craft blogs and looking through magazines for ideas. But, you know what? All those projects and ideas take money and since I am only working sub jobs while I go back to school, there is no extra money and that was making me discontent. There were all these things I wanted to make but I had no supplies and then I would would wander the craft stores and come up with more great ideas, but couldn't buy anything to do them! As of today, I have unsubscribed from those craft blogs.
The other thing that was stressing me out and making me discontent with my family was all those great storage tip and organization ideas you see this time of year. I live in a house where I am the only girl. Men are messy. My men especially. Part of this is my own fault. I grew up with a mother and father that were both neat freaks. I don't remember my house ever being dusty or messy growing up. I also felt nagged all the time and that having a clean house controlled our lives in some ways, so I swore I'd never be that way. Unfortunately, I never realized how badly I wanted it that way. I think it's part of my personality. I feel my life is more in control if my house is clean. (Which looking back, that is probably how my mom felt too.) I fight a constant battle against my pack rat husband. And oldest son. And youngest son. And my middle son who used to be cleaner until he entered puberty. I also have a son that is diabetic, asthmatic, celiac and has kidney complications, I have a husband that has started using his VA benefits more extensively. We have two insurance plans, are on the Medically Handicapped Children's Program and VA benefits, I will have more paperwork than the average person! This morning, I unsubscribed from the Better Homes and Gardens e-mails. If I see one more perfectly organized closet, bedroom, or office area I might go stark raving mad!
I think, the lesson I've learned over these past two weeks is that I have to keep my eyes on God to be content. I can't let my focus shift onto the world. My house will never look like a photo shoot for Better Homes and Gardens (although, when I try to make a point of what I expect a room to look like, I do tell the boys I want it "Better Homes and Gardens Perfect"). I did not marry a guy that has a four year degree. I don't have a four year degree (yet!). We will not make too much more than we are right now. God will still provide for us. We may never have the home we would like or take that Hawaiian vacation, but God can give us new dreams if we let him. I think the writer of Hebrews had it right, "be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.' " God is all we should ever need.
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